Monday, December 29, 2008

Billy Don't Be a Hero

I thought I'd remind you all that I still live in Hicksville Central aka the Mild, Mild West.

Yesterday, as the Wife and I were headed out to engage in some public mastication involving rich, bacony goodness, we had a bit of a traffic problem.

Some yahoo in the left hand land was completely stopped. Now as such Sunday morn asshattery is not unknown to us, I simply shifted to the right lane and headed by the slowed pick up truck.

Which is when we saw the goat.

I'll type that again.

We saw a goat.

Standing in the left lane of the road. A five land road. Two on each side with a left turn lane in the middle. We're talking a major thoroughfare here, kids.

And this didn't look to be a wild mountain goat. He was wearing a blue collar and seemed well cared for. No, that's not him up there. I failed to tote the Canon Powershot this morn as I didn't anticipate a National Geographic encounter.

And as we headed to the post office to drop off some mail en route to the breaky joint, the goat followed us.

Which is when the dog in the back seat (Gman, for you faithful readers) saw the goat. And Guinness said, "Hey, let me out so I can go chase that goat." It just sounded like really loud whining to the non-dog talkers in the car. Luckily, I'm fluent in hairball.

I immediately posited the theory that the goat was actually employed by the Post Office to eat all the mail they didn't feel like delivering. Like everything between Nov. 26 until Jan. 3rd. But the Wife thought I was just crazy. Per uzh.

We then saw a cop and wondered if we should pull over and tell the cop about the goat roaming the streets. But I didn't feel like taking a field sobriety test before breakfast. We also rejected the idea of capturing the goat and making our own cheese. Stupid fascist homeowners association with their crummy no goat racism.

I like to think Billy eventually found his way home to his owner and they had the best post Xmas ever and attributed his return to an Xmas miracle wherein angels and bells ringing were involved. Or maybe some Jamaicans nabbed him and they'll be enjoying some curried goat as they ring in the New Year. In the end, each ending is happy when you think about it.

Enjoy the week, kids.


Roxrocks said...

Billy, don't be a hero INDEED!

Replace goats with moose and you have my every day life up here in the boondocks!

[F]oxymoron said...

Ha! Reminds me of the near fatal traffic accidents I observed daily in India... the cows... the cows... have the right of way. Seems this goat has been plotting with his Indian brethren.

foundinidaho said...

Dear Lord I do not miss your town. At all.