So here are some tips (many, many tips) for your holiday shopping.
Gift Cards: Giving these are really popular right now. Stores like them because they've got your money now and with any luck your giftee will misplace it. That's just one flaw in your cunning plan. The other? Sure, you think you're getting someone something from their favorite store. You've just given them an errand. Thanks, you shouldn't have. And even worse. You've told them exactly how much they mean to you. It's a nice round figure. Do you really want that special someone to know you value your relationship at the figure of exactly $100? Didn't think so.
Pets: It seems so romantic. You get him or her a puppy. Don't. Pet shelters get more pets in January than any other months of the year. It may sound like a good idea. But when Sparky chews up her Jimmy Choo's, do you still think she'll be happy with him? Or you?
A Donation In Your Name: The ultimate scam gift. Actually not a bad idea if you're a complete cheapskate. Just get an official looking card (and you can probably download one) and tell them you made a very generous donation. You bought goats for the entire village in their name. Thanks, I'm sure those goats are much better than getting me Rock Band 2. Don't fake adopting a kid though, because you'll eventually have to pony up some more letters and a picture. Keep it simple. No goat is going to want to be your pen pal.
Lingerie: Really a gift for you not for her. And what's the deal with lingerie? Victoria's Secret? She's a man, baby. As a complete tangent, I don't get lingerie. When did lace covering ever clinch the deal for anyone? By the time in the evening wherein I might be able to see whether or not my sex kitten-elect might be wearing lingerie, I'd made up my mind a long time ago about whether we would or wouldn't. It's not like I would all of a sudden see the cat suit and say, "Nope, I'm outta here." To put it in gift giving terms, even a really great wrap job on a pair of socks isn't going to make you glad you got a pair of socks.
Clothing: A good idea in theory. Never works out in practice. First, if you get the size wrong, she thinks you think she's fat. Unless you really want to play this up and get her a size 5 and act like that's what size you think she is. She may appreciate how deluded you are. Second, people don't buy other people what they want they buy what they want them to wear. It's why women give men blazers and men give women lingerie. Don't buy for you, buy for them. But it's probably just best to avoid the temptation to get her to wear that monogrammed football jersey and go with....
Jewelry: Yeah, I don't get it. But women love the sparkly stuff. Even if it's not huge or garish, they'll love it. But it can never be too big. Yes, that's what she said.
Good luck with the shopping kids. You're going to need it.