Saturday, March 03, 2007

Killing Me Softy With His Song

Because the weather currently sux (check local listings), I’ve been tending to delay the inevitable slog to my appointed toil with a swell hot breakfast. This isn't just any kind of shitty weather. Yesterday we had snow, freezing rain, sleet, then snow again. I fully expect a rain of frogs any moment. It's practically biblical.

Okay, the breakfast isn't so swell but at least it with rich, bacony goodness. You know, bacon—the food that is so good that they wrap other food in it. (Thank you, Jim Gaffigan). Like we’d be eating melon balls or water chestnuts without bacon.

I was unaware, however, that swine were endangered in this country. Apparently there’s a pig shortage because restaurants will only give you two pieces of bacon at a time. We're on rations. Maybe because otherwise we’d eat bacon until we exploded. Or just our hearts.

Anyhoo, while I was masticating in public (that only sounds dirty), I was dumbstruck and in awe at the musical goodness they were piping into Slob Evans. Now I don't normally even notice the music in restaurants unless it's really good or really bad. I'm usually too preoccupied trying to read and not eavesdrop on the conversations going on around me. But if you're going to loudly ask your friend whether or not you should be faking your orgasms, you can't act snippy when I snort Diet Coke through my nose. Especially if a guy is asking the question.

So while I'm trying not to eavesdrop, I suddenly notice that whomever selects the music that gets piped in, has got his 80's freak on early in this morning. The mystery dj hits me with:
  • Betty Davis Eyes (Kim Carnes)
  • Jesse's Girl (Rick Springfield)
  • The One that You Love (Air Supply)
  • The Tide is High (Blondie)
  • Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John)

These are not crappy muzak remakes. It's the actual songs, my friends. Yes, the dulcet tones of Kim Carnes is a great way to wake up.

Even other diners perked up at the string of crap we had been subjected to. Though only one elderly woman was noticeably seat dancing to Physical.

Yes, I was able to keep my breakfast down..... just barely. Next time I go for a little early morning dining experience, I'll bring my iPod.

Has anyone else ever been subjected to this kind of abuse while in a restaurant? I'm not talking about the time it was gently suggested by a large man that I depart an establishment so I selected That's Amore 12 times on the juke box on my way out just out of spite.

I mean have you ever had this kind of auditory assault on your senses? Just wondering...


Wicked H said...

I am admitting that I am the one who will keep feeding the juke box to play my favorite classic rock songs.

I will remember your juke box attack the next time I get near one. That's Amore 12 times!!! You are evil and this is why I heart you!

Elsa said...

Maybe I should be embarrassed to say this, but I love 80's songs! Those were the songs I listened to in high school. So, I would have loved to be listing to Kim Carnes or Blondie while eating my breakfast.

And I don't remember ever dining someplace with very bad music (although, sometimes when dining in the North End in Boston, all you're listening to are old-time Italian songs - like That's Amore), but I would have to up and leave if I heard hard-core country music in the background.

kris said...

while I was masticating in public . . .

Yeah. I only had to read that one THRICE.

I'm a little confused. These classic hits, the choice ones that comprise the canon of pop music, this you classify as torture?

does. not. compute.

lattégirl said...

Your weather blew bad music our way today (Tuesday). In the car, all the XM stations were playing absolute shit. At one point, I asked out loud, "Did all the DJs decide it was B-side day?" It was as bad as the list you enumerated, but worse, and I am only glad that I cannot actually remember any of it.

Reigning Frog said...

Not as bad as being at a "Slob Evans" along I-77 smack dab on the Mason Dixon line while you're headed to Florida on vacation and hearing 100% country songs about blue jeans and pickup trucks.

(And I happen to kind of love 80's pop music, being a child of the 80's and all...)