It's being alleged you've impregnanted another supermodel. First it was Bridget Moynahan, now it's Giselle Bundchen.
Who do you think you are, an NBA player?
Seriously, Tom. It's the 21st century. I figured you'd be a little more careful "protecting the quarterback" in this day and age. Running a fly pattern to go deep down field apparently isn't the only work out you've been getting lately. You've been splitting way more than just defenses.
If you're frustrated about losing to another quarterback with a laser, rocket arm, you shouldn't work off your anger with unprotected sex. Otherwise your "backup quarterback" is going to shrivel up and fall off.
I know you went to Michigan and not USC, but you might want to think about becoming a Trojan Man. You can't run that naked bootleg play too many times and expect to get away with it.
This wasn't the first time you slipped one into the end zone but it should be your last unplanned one.