Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Brady Bunch

Dear Tom:

It's being alleged you've impregnanted another supermodel. First it was Bridget Moynahan, now it's Giselle Bundchen.

Who do you think you are, an NBA player?

Seriously, Tom. It's the 21st century. I figured you'd be a little more careful "protecting the quarterback" in this day and age. Running a fly pattern to go deep down field apparently isn't the only work out you've been getting lately. You've been splitting way more than just defenses.

If you're frustrated about losing to another quarterback with a laser, rocket arm, you shouldn't work off your anger with unprotected sex. Otherwise your "backup quarterback" is going to shrivel up and fall off.

I know you went to Michigan and not USC, but you might want to think about becoming a Trojan Man. You can't run that naked bootleg play too many times and expect to get away with it.

This wasn't the first time you slipped one into the end zone but it should be your last unplanned one.


Iwanski said...

Someday, they are going to have tiny little film crews so we can watch celebrity sperm fertilizing celebrity eggs.

SarahReznor said...

I thought you didnt know anything about football :)

Elsa said...

As a Patriot fan, all I care about is that his personal life doesn't interfere with winning the Super Bowl next year :) The Patriots are definitely due :)

Angie T said...

I think Iwanski's idea is a good one. Do you think sperm can talk?

t2ed said...

I think sperm can talk, but it lies a lot.

Stuff like:

"I don't usually fertilize someone I just met."
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"No, you can't get pregnant if we do it standing up."
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Seahawk fan said...

Sperm talk? Puhlease... They're guys, you'd be lucky to get more than one or two syllables at a time. But I bet they play video games even when the egg is naked a few feet (or inches) away.