Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Rehab Diaries

I don't know how she found my email address because we haven't hung out together in years. I'm guessing she's got way too much time on her hands. Here's what she had to say:


What's up my beottch? How r u? U probly know that I'm in Wonderlnd for a bit. I rilly don't need this but my Publicyst tolde me I better go b4 a judge made me. I don't know what the biggy is. Just cuz I wanted a bloody Mary to three after my appendix out everyone threw a big spaz. There's nothing better than a bloody witha vikodann. Mmmmm. It just helps me get a liddle mello.

Because I'm a star I get to cum and goe as I want. I'm still filiming my movie I No Who Killd Me. So I'm have to take media calls on my fone and they won't leaf me alone. Luckily, I still get to goe shopping on Rodea when I'm not filimng. You'd like it here we have gots trainers, akkuupuncture, serfing and sailing and even horseridin. I just got done with a mazzage and hit the juice bar but they wouldn't give me any Belvedears so I had to sneak back to my room to party.

It's pretty cool here because they have all these people in wite coates who have to listen to me talk all the time. Theyre asking lots of silly things like why do I like to party. Duh. I just try to enjoy my mimoza and ramble a bit. It's not like they can tell me to shut the hell up or anything.

It's nothign like when we I did Meen GirlZ because I'm not getting anny sexx at all. Theres nothing but old crusty dudez in this joint. Courtney dropped by and told me to just chill. She's dunn this a couple a times and said it just gets way easy after you learn to tune out a bit.

I just mist Keith Urbin so I was rilly bummd. I don't know his music at all but he's so cute and I'd like to where that cowboy hat and nothing else as I rode him like a cowboy. Hee,

Well I gotta go. Were having a ping pong tournament between the boozzers and the pillheads versus the bulleemiks and the shopahaulics. The gamblers are putting it on and I hope we win all the mac and cheeze from teh dieters. Some guy named Washington is in here for rehab because he told some guy he was a homoe or something. He jsut better stay the hell away from my chef.

I just got my Cosmo sent to me. All these pix make me look really grwn up. Dina is going to have sucha cow. HA!




foundme said...

Dude! Lindsay never writes me anymore! WTF? Ha ha

Reigning Frog said...

This is a fake! I don't believe for one second that Ho-Han would spell "Cosmo" correctly! :)

Anonymous said...

LOL - how come celebs always get everything? *I* didn't have email in rehab ;).

Wicked H said...

How will they rehab Wshington? Show him Judy Garner movies non-stop? I mean seriously!

Kim said...

I wanna go to rehab. Sounds fun!

Angie T said...

I seriously didn't get the joke until the mid-2nd paragraph. I was like, 'who in the hell was this guy hanging out with?"