Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Can You Hear the Kitties Crying?

I'm shocked, shocked I say, to learn that this swell relationship isn't working out.

Yup, Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese are splittsville. Who had just over a year in the break up pool? I hope you kept your receipt for those margarita glasses.

That's right ladies, this handsome young, devil may care, freak-about-town, is back on the market! Just ignore those rumors about him dating 19 year old Evan Rachel Wood.

It's probably only a matter of time before Mr. M gets a sports car and hair plugs.

And it's so contentious that they're arguing over spousal support, who will pay for her lawyers and even the kitties.

I hate when Devil Dad and Trash Mommy fight.

As usual the court papers give us nothing and claim the split is just due to irreconcilable differences. I know better. Here are the real reasons, they're breaking up:
  • He still scares her every morning without his makeup
  • She once yelled out "Alice" during sex
  • Fights over the eyeliner
  • Her refusal to sleep in his coffin
  • Whenever he says, "It's all about the music," she yells "Bullshit" at the top of her lungs
  • Endless arguments about who is the pretty one and who is the ugly one
  • He still hates the pet name Milky
  • She caught him one time, once dammit, trying on one of her corsets and just won't get over it. Geez!
  • His family? Crazier than he is.
  • She has never forgiven him for making her give up her promising pole dancing career.
  • At home he always listens to smooth jazz

What chance do any of us have if these two crazy kids can't make it?


Reigning Frog said...

Personally I find men with each eye a different color sexy.

Wicked H said...

As valentine's day approaches, I feel so much better about being alone. Seriously, if this is what I have to look forward to, I'll stay single.

Plus, I need my eyeliner. It's a deal breaker.

Kate the Peon said...

I'm so off my celebrity gossip...thanks for plugging the hold, t2.

Iwanski said...


Comic gold.

Gold, Jerry! Gold!

Spinning Girl said...

He really disturbs me on a deeply primal level.

Kate the Peon said...

Hole, damnit, not hold!