Monkey Shines

Now I loves me the animal shows. I could watch Animal Planet all day long. Much longer than I could handle actually going out into nature and trying to interact with all the stuff that can hurt you. Or pee on you. Or eat you. And many a time I've actually said out loud (in my best Veruca Salt voice), "I want a monkey." Extra points are awarded for having hands on hips and stomping a foot at the same time as the declaration.

But I don't love animals so much that I'd actually try to bring a monkey back into the country so I could hug it and squeeze it and love it forever. That's just what happened when Robert Cusack came back into the country from Thailand.

Going out on a limb here, these smugglers probably weren't rocket scientists. Because they actually had rare birds in a suitcase and then opened the suitcase. That's like something from out of a bad sitcom. Way to go, Han Solo. You're quite the smuggler.

But being able to confess that you've got monkeys in your pants has to score you some points with the Customs Agents. Especially with the female officers. "Excuse me, is that a monkey in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

I've also got to think that's there's more valuable merchandise you can bring back into the country than live animals. Especially when you wind up just giving the animal to an ex-girlfriend. That's a real money making scheme, criminal genius.

And if we're reading about these guys, just imagine how many other people get away with having wild monkeys in their pants. Think about that next time you're tossing your too large bottle of contact lens solution while you wait to board your plane. Even worse, it could be snakes on that plane. Nah, that's a crappy idea.