Monday, September 11, 2006

Horsing Around

I'm not making any of this up. And ewww, just ew.

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The headline: Sheriff's Deputies Make Bizarre Arrest

The Story:

Santa Barbara County sheriff's deputies come across a bizarre encounter at La Purisima Mission in Lompoc.

Around midnight they found a 69-year-old Huntington beach man naked and covered in oats.
Deputies say the man had covered himself in olive oil, rolled around in oats and allowed the horses at the mission to lick him clean.

He apparently told deputies this has always been a fantasy of his and drove up from the Los Angeles area to play it out.

Alfred Thomas Steven was cited and released for trespassing, animal cruelty and sexually assaulting an animal.
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I can't believe this guy isn't from Ohio. Good thing the cops were able to corral this pervert. How would you like to be the Public Defender saddled with this case? Any jury is going to want to horsewhip this defendant. And you know this isn't the first time he's rolled around in oats. Yup, he's a serial offender.

But is it really animal cruelty? They're getting a free breakfast after all. Hope they're not too fond of carrots. I thought you were always supposed to keep your hand flat while feeding horses.

I wonder if the judge who gets this case will be named Ed? Okay, I can't drag out these bad puns any longer so we're headed for the home stretch. If I keep this up I'll get barned from Blogger. We'll bur back tomorrow kids.

3 comments:

Kate The Great said...

OMG. What a story. All I know is, horses have some pretty big teeth. I suppose that's one way to become a eunuch.

And in OH - well, not everybody's so freaky. Some of us are, but some of us are just plain boring (I guess I'm the freaky kind?)

Kate the Peon said...

Uh oh - if sexually assaulting animals means they lick food they like off of you...then I'm in trouble as well.

I mean, my dog licks my fingers at times (and my feet) - I should prepare for the cops, eh?

WKRP said...

The fact the man is 69 is making me giggle. And if he is a cereal offender, shouldn't he be rolling around in Cheerios? or Honey Bunches of Oats?