The fine people at Cleavacious need to apply their technology to this problem. I wanted to copy their picture and use it but they've got some kind of interweb magic to keep me from doing it. Curses.
The Evil Empire that is Wonderbra have invented new underwears with pads to make you look like baby's got back. Basically, you put some inserts in your trunk so it makes you look like you've got heart-shaped junk.
Are asses really supposed to be heart-shaped? I thought that was for mouths. Don't people always go on and on about having a heart-shaped, pouty lips? Man there's so much I don't get about how people are supposed to tell us how we need to look and feel anymore. Glad I've given up.
Wonderbra has clearly missed the boat here. There are no straps so you can't wear your ass down during the day and pull it up for night action. Because if you're wearing your ass up at work, that's just going to invite harassment. You know some lawyer is going to go nuts on that during the court case. It was consensual. It was a misunderstanding. She was wearing her ass up.
But that's the genius that is the Clevacious. It's the unique adjustable bra. Maybe Karey Weyenberg can get into the lab and work on a prototype. Padding? Pffft. Straps are where it's at, baby!