Up, Up and a Gay

I have a guilty little secret. I can't contain it anymore. Writing about it here will make me a better bear in pants.

I love, absolutely love the new show Who Wants to Be a Superhero? That's their name for it. I call it Who Wants to Look Like An Ass on Basic Cable. I may actually have to recap this show. It's that good/bad.

I've only seen one episode. But due to the power of TIVO and the gaping void that is original programming, I'm going to see them all.

I'm not going to belabor you with characterizations or plot or analysis. That would be actual good writing. And we all know that doesn't happen here.

So I'm just going to give you a swell link to the show and list the names of the morons characters and let you make your own decision: Ty'Veculus, Lemuria, Cell Phone Girl, Nitro G, Feedback, Levity, Monkey Woman, The Iron Enforcer, Major Victory, Creature, Fat Momma.

Yes, they are dressed up as superhero types. There is spandex. There are capes. No, they are not people who should be in these types of outfits and accessories.

Now in the first show, they took the cast and had them in their street or non-superhero clothing. They were supposed to change into their outfits, then run across a plaza. Folks were told they were being timed so they had to go fast. No mention of whether use of super speed was allowed.

But the best part of this whole silly exercise is that the show put a crying little girl in the middle of the plaza. She was supposed to be lost and was crying for her mother. You can imagine how tremendous this little girl was. She was no Dakota Fanning but was really laying it on. And it was great to see most of the "heroes" zip right past her.

Major Victory did not. He is a former male dancer (although he now claims to be a disc jockey) and actually did some dance moves en route to his rescue. At least there was no pelvic thrusting. But you know it's only a matter of time. In an hilarious moment, he actually picked the little girl up in his arms and carried her to the Security Office. Now that's someone who's read a few comic books.

I think they had 11 contestants and 6 just ignored her. Awesomely bad. And they eventually kick someone off. Don't ask who it was. I was laughing too much to pay attention.

Line of the Show: "Don't worry, Big Momma is here."
-- Big Momma to the "lost" little girl.