Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I Ain't No Senator's Son

All right, kids. It's really starting to get weird in the Land of Lincoln.

Hot Rod Blagojevich is getting curiouser and curiouser. If you have trouble pronouncing that name, just remember it rhymes with Prison Bitch. Take a look at that weasel over there. That hair, those shifty eyes, the furtive manner. All he's lacking is a plaid sports coat and a '74 Gremlin that he's trying to unload on some poor, unsuspecting sucker.

Anyway, Blagojevich has said that he considered Oprah for the spot of Illinois Senator.

Seriously, how long before this guy crashes his own airplane and tries to escape on a motorcycle he stashed in a storage unit in Joliet?

Well thanks to this reporter's deeply hidden moles in the Blago administration, we were able to obtain the actual hand-written notes of other people he considered as possible Senatorial replacements.
  • Michael Jordan
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Shoeless Joe Jackson
  • Mrs. O'Leary's Cow
  • Walter Payton
  • Al Capone
  • Andre Dawson
  • Elwood Blues
  • Jake Blues
  • Harry Caray
  • The Inventor of the Chicago Dog
  • Rikki Lake
  • Al Bundy
  • The Inventor of Old Style
  • Bill Brock
  • Bill Veeck
  • The Inventor of Deep Dish Pizza
  • Marshall Field
  • Wrigley Field
  • John Cusack
  • Joan Cusack
  • Bob Newhart

Yeah, it's obvious Blago's not hitting on all cylinders right now. Some of those people aren't even real. Like Abraham Lincoln. They just made him up for the penny.

Maybe he'll get to share a cell with former Mayor Kwame.

7 comments:

[F]oxymoron said...

Oh NO he didn't ...

... yes he did...

Oh NO he didn't!

... he rocked a CCR reference

(gotta admit, the guy is interesting to watch)

kitkat said...

The question is: Who doesn't John Cusack to be a Senator??

foundinidaho said...

My aunt lives in Joliet. Why isn't she on this list?

foundinidaho said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
t2ed said...

If John Cusack was a Senator, my man crush would know no bounds.

Wonder if I'm too old to be a page?

Roxrocks said...

I heart John Cusack too...we have the same taste in man crushes. HAHAH!

I couldn't comment on the Dirty Dancing video, there is no linky thing to click on to comment. Anyway! My favorite part is when the guy says "That's a workout if I know one!" OMG Loser!

Dani said...

"You get a seat in the senate!! And YOU get a seat in the senate... and YOU GET A SEAT IN THE SENAT!!!"

(When Blago and Oprah team up)