Monday, January 14, 2008

It Is Alive

We're finally here in the Wild, Wild West. The drive (even with Guinness the Wonder Dog to navigate) was a pain. And just for the record, Nebraska is the longest state in the world. It goes on and on and on. It made Iowa look like a long lost brother.

At one point the Wife was so frustrated with Nebraska's unending great plains that she suddenly declared, "I hate this State. This is a State of Suck." Yes, State of Suck instantly became a catch phrase for the rest of the trip. Nebraska is flat enough and I-80 is straight enough that Guinness was able to drive for a couple of hours. Of course we stacked some z's as my trucker friends (of whom I have none) like to call it. When we awoke the car was pulled over on the side of the road and Guinness was hungrily eyeing a buffalo .

In all seriousness, this was the only thing to take a picture of in Nebraska.

These guys really ought to be selling t-shirts.

Can you imagine the meeting when they came up with this name? What did they reject to finally settle on Kum & Go. Pump & Dump? Squirt & Run? Hoser & Loser? Sure that would be a sight rhyme but I always hated those.

And while Nebraska was a State of Suck, at least they let you drive 75 mph. Yes, I'm talking to you Indiana and Illinois. Maybe your traffic wouldn't stink so much if you just let everyone drive fast enough to get the hell out.

Wyoming also allows for fast driving. They do not, however, understand the basic chemical equation of salt + ice = roads you can actually drive on. Instead they put sand on the highway so you and all the semi-fucks hauling stuff can drive 35 mph until you finally get stuck in the middle of nowhere. The Wife thought it was just stupidity, I thought it was genius. If not for the Wyoming Department of Highway Consternation, all those people wouldn't be pulling over to stay in a tiny hotel and eating at the best restaurant in town. Luckily, the teeny tiny inn came with coffee makers in the rooms. That's because all you're going to want to do after being trapped in Wyoming is get the hell out as early as possible the next morning.

But we're here. We still have stuff in boxes and are getting to play a little game I call Treasure Hunt or more likely Where the Hell Is It? I'm sure they'll be plenty of Western Style Adventures that I'll be able to write about in the coming weeks.


kitkat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kitkat said...

When my family moved from Washington to Kansas, my mom really wanted to go through Nebraska because she'd never been there. Turns out, you can get the same radio station from one side of the state to the other. Awesome.

Kum and Go! Yes! I saw one of these in Kirksville, MO, where my friend went to college. I figured it was unique, but I guess it's a chain. With a name like that, I should have known.

Wicked H said...

Welcome to your new home. Cannot wait to hear of all the new adventures.

Dunebuggy said...

Glad you made it ok.

I-80 does not make a single turn for 185 miles in Nebraska, no wonder it's a state of suck. Why is Kansas so windy? Because Nebraska sucks.

Last time I travelled that route, I had been on the road for 7 of ten days and I begged my parents to let me out of the car so I could walk. Back then the speed limit was only 60 mph. We also stopped in Green River.

I think it's funny Mitt Romney stops at the Kum n' Go.

Thanks for the funnies.

RoxRocks said...

Congratulations on your safe arrival! I look forward to all your tales in the new digs.

Spinning Girl said...

I saw Kum n Go's out in Iowa and I had the same reaction.

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