Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Little Known Utah Facts

In my effort to acclimate to my new state (no, not inebriation, but Utah), I've been doing a lot of interweb research. And because I read it on the interwebs, you know it must be true. Here are the top 10 Little Known Facts About Utah.

10) If you only have one wife, people will think you are gay.
9) Utah was founded by two explorers, Utah Smith and Manhattan Young who misinterpreted a verse in the Old Testament and went to discover the colony of New Sodom.
8) Utah has a very diverse population and welcomes people of all colors be they white, pale, off-white or Irish.
7) The entire electric grid of Utah is so energy efficient that it can be run from one single lithium battery.
6) Utah's State Bird is the seagull (in Latin rattus wingus). The State Bird of Michigan remains the middle finger.
5) If you have eight wives, that means there are 8 separate "How was your day?" conversations each and every day.
4) Despite relentless news coverage hardly any miners have been killed in Utah. This week.
3) Despite overseeing the Winter Olympics which has such events as men's figure skating and the two-man luge, Mitt Romney is against gay marriage.
2) The University of Utah was the site of the first Jarvik-7 artificial heart surgery in retired dentist Barney Clark. The Jarvik-7 not only functions as a beating human heart but is also able to regulate the amount of Motown in your soul.
1) The largest open pit copper mine is in Utah. The only larger man-made cavity is Paris Hilton. This marvelous feat of engineering is only surpassed by the open pit mayonnaise mines located in Magna.


Gideon said...

Laugh it up fuzz ball. I'd find some of you posts a bit more amusing if I wasn't from Utah myself. The only problem is those not from the fair Beehive state just might believe some of this smack. But you'll be the one living there, so buenos suerte. Btw, polygamy hasn't been practiced by the Mormons for more than 100 years, and those who do practice it now, are not recognized by the Mormon church.

Anonymous said...

Leave it to gideon for the buzzkill.

There's a highway somewhere in Utah called "the loneliest highway" or something. My parents and I drove it, and yeah, it's lonely all right. We had to go to the bathroom, and the only place we came across was a port-a-potty in the middle of nowhere that had no toilet paper. We decided to hold it.

Dunebuggy said...

Loved the inebriation link! I kind of expected to find Provo Girl, but Ted was much better. As usual, I am laughing my butt off.

Gideon just sounds cranky, who peed in his cheerios?

t2ed said...


I've had to drive from Utah to Arizona and it's like driving through the Planet of the Apes. You lose all radio stations and it is the middle of nowhere.

It's exactly where your car would break down if a slasher was chasing you.