WARNING: NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)
I've written before about how it's been brought to my attention that all animals everywhere want to kill us. Tim Bedore is the genius who uncovered the consipracy.
And while squirrels have usually been confined to providing recon for the larger, biting, killing weapons of mass destruction, that's over. It's time to be afraid, be very afraid, kids. Squirrels have moved from being mere spotters to the front line grunts in the War on Man.
A stray dog was barking at squirrels in a tree. The squirrel response? "They literally gutted the dog," said local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina.
Then they ran away with pieces of the flesh! This tell us that they are barbarian squirrels ignoring the rules of the Geneva Convention on the treatment of war casualties. They're worse than the Taliban! It must be true because it's on the interweb and it's from a Soviet Newspaper.
So watch your chimney or that next barking dog may be you! Do not under any circumstances carry nuts or acorns in your pockets unless you have a death wish.
1 comment:
I knew those squirrels were up to something! They're plotting the end of humanity.
That's ok. We suck anyway.
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