I Want You Back

This just in.... Michael Jackson is still dead. It's finally starting to sink in. Despite all of the news stories, Michael Jackson remains dead.

Sure, they've already spotted his ghost on a car's hood in England. They call it a bonnet, but it's a hood. Those wacky English. It's like they've got another word for everything. Wuh?

But a Michael Jackson ghost? I thought he was pretty spooky when he was alive.

But while the critically important information about Michael Jackson's life insurance rates still haven't been unearthed, it's only a matter of time. Come on, people. It's always about the life insurance. I learned that from watching Double Indemnity so many times.

Most importantly, it's finally time that Michael's getting his most fitting tribute. He'll be immortalized in butter at the upcoming Iowa State Fair. And don't think that Immortal Butter isn't a good name for a rock and roll band. Don't worry, they'll still have the Butter Cow. I don't know how I'm going to last until the fair starts in August.

But some people don't think butter is a proper art form for the King of Pop. The Iowa fair is actually letting people vote about it's propriety. Vote early, vote often. Just like you live in Chicago. Apparently the statue will have an astronaut on the moon and MJ will be moon walking. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty far way to go just to shoehorn him in there and ride some coattails.

Savvy fair-goers know they have to keep the sculptures inside a temperature controlled environment. But in case there's a power outage and MJ's statue starts to melt, it'll look just like the real thing. This is a little like when we got to vote on the Elvis stamp. Which nose do you think they'll use on MJ?

No matter how the vote goes, they'd better still have the Erotic Corndog Eating Contest. You don't mess with tradition.