Put Your Cat Clothes On

Ah, those geniuses in Japan. In Tokyo, Takafumi Fukui has opened a cat cafe. Called the Cafe Cat Calico patrons are given a menu and pick any cool kitty to pet for a few bucks for an hour.

That's a bargain, because to get a pussy to sit on your lap at some places costs a lot more. And it's not for an hour, it's only one song. Which is why you should always go for Freebird.

This isn't the first time people have used pussy to make a few bucks. But the places I've heard tell about have a strictly no petting rule. You can't even touch them usually. And they're always by the airport. Who hits one of these places before their flight? How are you supposed to get your tray down from the locked and fully upright position after that?

Who hasn't wanted to do some catting around at one time or another. A little heavy petting with no cat commitment. Wham bam, thank you Fluffy. Hep cats should be leery of anyplace with cat on the menu. But that's just an urban legend for Chinese restaurants isn't it?

But cats? Come on, if you want something to pet you go for a dog. Who ever heard of a therapy cat? Personally, I don't get cats. If I wanted an emotionally detached animal around, I could call up any of the girls I used to date. Hiyo!

And Cafe Cat Calico? While the alliteration is appreciated, it sounds like the special is Kitty Pot Pie. I'd go with one of the following Mr. Fukui:

• Fukui City Kitties
• Fully Exposed Nipples
• Pussy Paradise
• Totally Nude
• Bob's Cat House
• Sexy Siamese (Motto: We Love You Long Time)
• Lucky Lickers (Motto: Try Our Black Cats, You'll Never Go Back)
• Cat Fanciers
• Puss 'N Go Go Boots
• Nip 'N Ass
• Pole Katz
• Bombay Bombshells
• Burmese So Horny
• Hairless Pussy
• Sphynx & Swallows
• Purrfect 10's

As always, feel free to play along from home kids. I'm plum tuckered out after all that creativity. Time for a cat nap for this dog lover. Have a good weekend and try to get some petting in. Try the Calico and tip your waitstaff.