Monday, November 20, 2006

Happy Pranksgiving

Man, I couldn't believe what a pain it was to get a flight out of Rome to Columbus for the Big Game. You'd think a Toledo girl would have more sense than to schedule a wedding for the UM-OSU game. It's every year for crying out loud. Luckily, she liked the monogrammed anal beads with Tom's picture on them and plans on using them with him right away. Hey, I figured that's where his head has been for about the last year anyway. Hopefully when he says "pull" she'll yank like she's starting a lawnmower and that'll be the last we hear from him for a while.
And that kid? Ugh, his height and her talent. Make sure you invest some of your parents' money, Suri.

Well I'm off on my annual soujourn to the sun. Normally, I'd wait till later in the week to post this, but I'm outta here after today and won't be back till December.

Anyway on to our real topic of the day--Thanksgiving Pranks. Here are a couple of classics:

1) Answer the door with the turkey neck hanging out of your fly. Act as if nothing is amiss.

2) Put a Cornish Game Hen inside of your turkey. Upon carving the turkey loudly declare, "Wow, this bird must have been pregnant." This may upset the pro-lifers in attendance so much that they won't have any turkey at all. More for you! If you want to pull a double freak out, put an egg inside the hen as well.

3) When everyone around the table gives thanks, make sure your contribution is "I'm thankful I didn't get caught." Refuse to elaborate.

Later kids. I'll be having some Jerk Turkey with the locals and crashing at this joint. Hope it snows like hell back here in Michigan.

Yup, I'm trading tv, phones and 'puters for snorkeling, Red Stripe and jerk chicken. Doesn't sound like an even swap to me. Enjoy the turkey pot pie and Wild Turkey.


Wicked H said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Enjoy.

foundme said...

Have a good time, then. I'm gonna use the don't get caught one! Sadly, I won't be around for the preparation of the feast since I WORK!

Kate The Great said...

You make me so jealous. The closest thing I have to warmth is the seatwarmer in my car...

Such is the life for the single girl.

I must schedule some tanning time...

Kim said...

I hate you. Do you always have to rub it in?

"Ooo, look at me! I get a vacation that ventures, not only out of the house or state, but out of the country! I'm sooo cool."

I'm not bitter.

Kris said...

She is bitter. I can vouch for it.

In other news, you seriously have to get your own reality show. I would pay good money to watch you everyday. And see more of your life than I get to from my perch outside your living room window.


latt├ęgirl said...

Jamaica. You just killed me. KILLED ME, I say.

Kim said...

By "perch outside your window" she means my shoulders. Can you just let us in so I don't have to hold her up while she looks in and giggles then doesn't tell me what's going on? It's getting cold out here.

Btw, it's December. You have to be back now.