Friday, June 29, 2007

True Love

If you're visitng Bluffton, SC, make sure you take a Sharpie.

Seems a man waited until his wife was asleep, then wrote profanities on her arms, legs and back. She must be a deep sleeper. And while the article doesn't say it, why do I have the sneaking suspicion she was in such a deep sleep because alcohol was involved.

Anyhoo, Sleeping Beauty awakes to find herself graffiti-ed up and proceeds to beat up her husband and bite him a few times. It's the biting that landed her in jail. She said that she had bitten her husband twice and threatened him with a wooden board. I think we've all probably got a pretty good idea where she was going to put that board.

And while this short little story of these two crazy kids is absolutely delicious, it lacks most of the facts which could truly turn it into something fabulous. So it's up to use interwebers to speculate and make stuff up.

First, was it a permanent marker? The police report just said it was an "ink pen." Real helpful, Barney. It's lucky for her he didn't go all Ross & Rachel on her face as well.

Second, what did he write on her various body parts? I'm guessing the body art on her back was "Open All Night" with an arrow pointing downwards. With that in mind, here's what was on the rest of her.
  • Spread the Word (on her legs of course)
  • The 2nd Amendment Rules (on her bare arms)
  • Space for Rent (back)
  • If you lived here, you'd be home by now
  • House was Here
  • This Anatomy Ain't Grey
  • Do Not Tease the Animals
  • Free to Good Home
  • Left Right (on the wrong arms)
  • This End Up (on back as well)
  • Get Back to Where You Once Belonged (on back)
  • Don't Pull on My Ears, I Know What I'm Doing
  • No Entry
  • One Way Only
  • No Pepper

I'm sure there are others. Feel free to play along at home, kids.

But I'm also sure this man is never going to sleep soundly the rest of his life. Paybacks are hell, buster.


Chunks said...

How could she sleep through that?! I wake up if a mosquito enters the room.

If I got arrested every time I threatened to shove something in my husband's ass, well, I'd be writing this from PRISON! :)

terry said...

I'm starting to think you secretly work for the Sharpie company.

Anonymous said...

I have some friends (married) living around there. I can only hope it's not about them, but if it's not, it's probably only a matter of time.

How about: "Always the lowest price. Always."

t2ed said...

I swear I am not a secret shill for the magnificent Sharpie corporation.

But they could get me for a song!

Kevin said...

lol what the hell. Some things amaze me. I can't imagine sleeping through something like being written on... hah