Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Step Up, Bitches

Can you hear that sound? It's news editors all over the country crying.

Paris is in the pokey and Ho-Han is habilitatin' for another 30 days or so. And the media doesn't have anything to talk about. Oh sure, there's the war and why we're still in it even though we were told we'd be out by the last bunch of liars we voted for. But nobody wants that depressing stuff in the news.

So I'm calling out our newsmaking folks to step up and become the next media distraction/fixation with one of the following:
  • Runaway Bride
  • Teenage Kidnapping
  • Republican Scandal
  • Celebrity Beaver Shot
  • Poor Hollywood Parenting
  • High-profile Divorce
  • Hollywood Sex Tape
  • Campaign Leak
  • Surprise Summer Movie Hit
  • Sensational Hollywood Murder
  • Reality TV Cheating Allegation
  • Celebrity DUI with Crazed Mugshot
Place your bet folks on what it'll be next.

5 comments:

Death By Children said...

I think bestiality is really where it's at in terms if media distraction. Honestly, if a republican congressman can be a repeat under-age turd burglar and we get over it as soon as a celebrity gets drunk, we're too jaded. We need a shock. So bestiality it is. And not just any bestiality. I'm thinking parakeets. Maybe squirrels.

Reigning Frog said...

I'm going on out a limb and saying a wave of shark attacks.

Chunks said...

I think Nicole Richie is going to eat a sandwich. Film at 11.

Kate The Great said...

You are a trip. Thank goodness Paris is out of jail. My newscast enjoyed a nice 'lil VOSOT on the subject. It's crazy - people say they hate the bitch, but our station poll vote numbers (on paris today) were double what they normally are.

And don't forget, we're gonna beat the life out of that Campaign 2008 franchise til someone new is in the White House...

Misplaced said...

I think its going to be a summer of continued celebrity drug rehab. Unfortunately these celebs are jeopardizing the real purpose of rehab which is, of course, to meet loose women.