Medina CSI

Meat Bandit Nabbed in Golf Cart

Yes, I wish that headline wasn't true, but the craziness in Ohio continues.

If you're near Medina, Ohio, you'd better keep your meat locked up. Apparently, Samuel Dottore stole a frozen roast and was making his getaway back to Cleveland.

He had met a couple in a bar and they went to their home. After a few hours, they were driving him to a motel when "he pulled out the frozen meat." Now, I'm not sure who edited this story, but they've left out some pretty obvious questions.

Why'd the couple take this guy back to their house? Yard work, threesome, more cocktails, possible fondue?
What did they do for a few hours? Any of my guesses of above might fit the scenario.
Where did he pull the frozen meat from? This may be nixing the whole threesome theory.

Anyway, the couple decided to just drop Big Sam off by the side of the road. This seems to point that something odd happened. If you're giving someone a ride and you suddenly decide, "That's it. Ride's over," something odd has obviously transpired. I'm guessing it went a little something like "Want to see my frozen meat?" And when he pulls something out of his coat, it's all "We gotta run."

After being ejected from his ride, Sam decides to steal a golf cart and drive 40 miles from Medina to Cleveland. Now I don't know this for a fact as the story doesn't talk about what time it is, but I'm guessing these events transpire at night. If you're cocktailing it at the bar, meet a couple and then go to their house for a few hours, amd then steal a golf cart, it's probably not early afternoon. I'm guessing this whole caper has the cover of darkness going for it.

So Sam is trying to drive 40 miles at night. Now I don't know if you've ever been to Ohio at night in December, but it is not a balmy clime. This may, however, explain how Sam's meat has remained frozen. Needless to say, a golf cart does not make a good getaway ride and Sam got pinched by the police.

The Quote of the Story: In court, Dottore told the judge he'd been drinking that day, and that alcohol mixed with the psychiatric medication he takes affects his judgment.

This may be a bit of an understatement. And by drinking "that day," Sam meant every day.

Wow, there's a lot going on there. The good news is that Sam is free on bail and is available for your parties! Please try not to serve roast beast, but if you do, keep an eye on Sam around the buffet table.