Don't Sit on Uncle Ted's Lap to Drive

Hello, Kids. Welcome to the show today. And we've got a special guest, Senator Ted Kennedy and his ginormous head. Just set your drink down over there, Senator.

Uncle Ted is writing a children's book. I wonder if it's under the nom de plume Dr. Souse?

The book is not about the dangers of drinking and driving, but instead is about a day in the life of a Senator. from the viewpoint of Ted's Portuguese Water Dog, Splash. Let's slow down a bit here.

First, try to wrap your brain around the fact that Ted owns a Portuguese Water Dog. Second, he named the dog Splash. Is that the sound an 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 makes when it goes off a bridge? I guess Splash was better than Chappaquiddick.

The book not only follows the Senator but also shows how a bill becomes a law. I'm guessing it won't show any pork barreling, sneaky amendment tactics, filibustering, smoky room meetings or lobbyists. That's how a bill really becomes a law.

My Senator and Me won't come out until May, so you'll have to wait a bit to read it. But I think this opens up a whole new world to Uncle Ted. I can't wait for some of his sequels.

• Are You My Lobbyist?
• Where the Drunk Things Are (usually at the Kennedy Compound)
• One Fish, Two Fish, Drunk Fish, You Fish
• Oh the Bribes That You'll Take
• Green Eggs & Convenient Media Distractions
• And to Think That I Leaked It on Mulberry Street
• Go, Bitch, Go
• Elmo's First Filibuster
• Curious George and the Man with the Big Yellow Checkbook
• The Cat in the Gerrymandered Redistrict
• Profiles in Socialism

Isn't it scary that I know all those kids' books yet don't have demonspawn on my own? I was a reader as a kid. I promise.

Share your own ideas for Ted's next book. The winner gets a prize. You have to fact check Uncle Ted's book and you have to ride with him to his first book signing.