My Kingdom For a Controller

We all know kids hate learning. Sure, we could make it fun and interesting, but what's the point of that. Kids need to force fed the driest, most mundane minutae about things like history and then we'll test them on their ability to spew forth the smallest and least important facts. At least that's how we did it in the Old School Daze.

But some genius has the idea that we can trick kids into learning Shakespeare with a video game.

The best way to learn anything about Shakespeare is to read the play. Don't ever let it be read allowed in school. Everyone read quietly to themselves. And don't even think about going to see a live performance or even, heaven forbid, a DVD of a performance. Nope, make those kids sit there, read quietly to themselves and then pick up a Cliff's Notes to figure out what the hell just happened.

That's how Shakespeare got rammed down my throat. So while I have some slight appreciation for The Bard fostered by my English teacher, we got stuck reading all the weird stuff: the histories and the tragedies. To this day I still don't understand Romeo and Juliet, but I get West Side Story.

So to help the kids get their leanin' on, I came up with a few video game titles that will help them be a bit more culturally rounded:

• Super MacBeth Brothers
• Falstaff's Funktastic Free For All
• Prospero's Perilous Party
• Puck Parappa the Rappa
• Romeo's Radical Racing
• Juliet's Jazzy Jumping Jamboree
• Shylock's Shifting Shekels
• Hamlet's Harrowing House of Horrors
• Guitar Hero Goneril
• Edgar's Exciting Exposition
• Iago's Imminent Implosion
• Halo Horatio
• Super Sebastian the Hedgehog

More likely these whippersnappers would just rather get all stabby on Caesar while they slowly snuck up on him from behind.

Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong

Being an idiot-savant (or maybe I'm just half right), I like to kid that while there is no off position on the genius switch, I have more bad ideas by 8:00 am than most people do all day.

Well Marvel beat me to the punch this morning. Yes, it's Spiderman the Musical. As reported in the LA Times.

"Marvel Entertainment announced Thursday that the iconic web-slinger will be the subject of a major Broadway musical that will be directed by Tony winner Julie Taymor, who famously adapted "The Lion King" to stage, and feature music and lyrics by Bono and the Edge of U2."

I don't know who they'll get to play Spiderman, but I hope it's not an acrobatic little female moppet. You know, how they ruined Peter Pan?

And while I'm sure Julie Taymor's vision will be a lot better than director Sam Raimi's creation of the best superhero movies ever (granted, not a very high standard to be held to), we'll have Bono & Edge to bring it all home.

So in that vein, may I suggest the following musical numbers:

• Sunday Spidey Sunday
• 11 O'clock Doc Ock
• I Will Follow On My Web
• Where the Suits Have No Shame
• I Still Haven't Caught Who I'm Looking For
• Stories for Pre-Adolescent Prepubescent Boys
• With or Without Suit
• Swing (in the Name of Love)
• All I Want is Cash
• Two Heroes Fight as One
• Even Lamer than the Real Thing
• Trying to Throw Your Web Around the World
• Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me Upside Down in the Rain, Kill Me
• Spidery Day
• One (More Time to Whore Out)

But I'm sure the dancing numbers will help. How will this turn out? Bad.

Wow, I must listen to U2 even more than I watch Pandas.

The Same Old Song and Dance

A little known secret about t2ed is that I loves me musical theatre. I guess it's proof that I'm in touch with my inner homo. I don't know why, but music + plays + comedy = hilarity in my brain. I probably don't go to the theater but once a year, but I think comedy musicals are even funnier than the collective musical stylings of William Shatner. It's the same way with musical comics like Henry Phillips or Paul and Storm or Stephen Lynch. This may harken back my school days. I used to have season tickets to the Southern Arizona Light Opera Company and would take a date or three creating the illusion that I was someone who laughed at something other than dick and/or fart jokes.

Please do not consider this a blanket endorsement of all musical theater. I saw Les Miserable and thought that must be a reference to the audience. After Phantom, I whined, "Why couldn't that damn chandelier have dropped on him a lot earlier?" If it's not a musical comedy, I want no part of it.

Wife and I recently had the good fortune to attend a road show of Spamalot. Now if you're not fortunate enough to live within short distance of either Noo Yawk or Vegas, it's also touring. And it's good. Really good even if you don't get Tim Curry, Hank Azaria or David Hyde Pierce. If you've seen the movie, it's got all the best scenes. And if you've not scene the movie, you really need to get out more and probably shouldn't be reading this anyway. Go to Netflix right now and put it in your queue.

Even if you haven't seen the movie, you'll still like the show. It skewers all the Broadway conventions like woeful overacting and Andrew Lloyd Weber and songs that are too long with endless key changes and even more overacting the inspirational Big Song that's designed to win the Tony. That Eric Idle and John Du Prez are funny cats.

For proof of just how good Spamalot is, I offer this story. After we saw the show the week before Christmas, Wife and I acauired the cast recording for each other. Now that's either a really bad Gift of the Magi rip off or it shows just how good it is.

Or how brain damaged we both are. I'm still trying to work that one out. Luckily I can listen to the show to soothe my savage beast even when I skip my meds.