You Spin Me Round

If you hadn't heard, Marvel is now streaming the old Spiderman cartoons.

If you don't remember it (because it's almost as old as me) it's below. Unless that code is being wonky again, in which case go here to refresh your recollection.



The best part of this is that Canadian comedian (known officially as a Canedian) Greg Morton had just done a new song on the Bob & Tom show to this same tune. You may already know Greg from his entire encapsulation of Star Wars.

To to the tune of Spiderman (or Spiderpig if you follow the Simpsons) here it be:

Octomom
Octomom
Biologically, something's wrong
Has six kids, wants 8 more
She's a narcissistic, greedy whore
Look out!
Here comes the Octomom

Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil
Please prescribe her a wake up pill
How can she possibly
Feed those kids
And go pee?
Hey there!
There goes the Octomom

It was in the news
She has no job
And no spouse
But with interviews
She can buy
A new house

Octomom
Octomom
She thinks babies
Are Pokemon
Moved to my neighborhood
Privacy, gone for good
Hey there!
There goes the Octomom.
Hey there
She's Nadya Sulemaaaaaannnnnnnnn

Now I've got to put on a cape and hop around on the couch like I have super powers.

Rag Doll

I love bad marketing ideas. From New Coke to the Nova for Mexico they never grow old. So I give you Dominatrix Barbie.

Okay, that's not what they're calling her. Mattel Marketing Weasels are claiming that's someone called Black Canary who's supposed to be a superhero. If she's a superhero, how come she doesn't have a movie out this summer? Come on. I'm not falling for it and neither should you.

Zoom your Panasonic camera in on that outfit over there. Does that say "crime fighter" to you? All that outfit needs is a whip.

I'm sure the stilettos are great for chasing down evil doers. Although given the way she's dressed, at least the villains are going to have trouble running away from her.

And the black mesh stockings? Yeah, those will stop bullets. And how about a skirt for crying out loud? Barbie's going to get a little cold on those late night stakeouts. Maybe she can cuddle with Batman to keep warm.

Well, at least the new collectible Barbie isn't life sized. Dang, I just gave some Mattel Marketing Weasel another idea.

Personally, I can't wait for Obama Girl Barbie.

Another Blockbuster or She's Back

I'm ashamed to admit it, but when I was doing my big recap of the Summer Blockbusters, I missed one.

Ya'll remember the toughest superheroine of all? Of course I'm just talking 'bout Thong Girl. Lana Layonme has a very special, magical thong that allows her to fly, have superhuman strength and can fire laser beams from her ass.

That's right, Thong Girl 3: Revenge Of The Dark Widow is debuting in Nashville, TN at the the Watkins College Of Art and Design on June 9th and 10th. Two shows Saturday at 7 and 9 and a Sunday matinee at 3 for the kids. Admission for all showings is $5. The film is family friendly and contains no nudity or profane language or excessive violence.

Now I don't want to tell a big Nashville movie producer how to run his business, but Thong Girl 3 practically screams for another version with at least a little nudity. Maybe the DVD could have that version?

Even without the nudity, I'm betting this one breaks Spiderman's weekend opening record and kicks Shrek and that swishy pirate movie right in the ass. Or she could just shoot them with her laser beams.

Not In the Hero Code or Et tu, Captain?

In all the whirlwind of superhero publicity and Spiderman 3 making all the money in the entire world on it's opening weekend, I forgot to write about this.


In Melbourne, Florida, Raymond Adamcik was dressed as Captain America but wound up getting charged with battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence.


Seems ol' Cap was part of a travelling costume party that was making the rounds of several establishments. As part of the fun, Cap kept asking women if they'd like to touch a burrito he had stuffed into his tights/pants. I'm sure the old "Would you like to touch my burrito?" gag never gets old around the crime fighting lab.


Now despite the stupidity of this trick, does it strike anyone else as odd that Captain America has Mexican food stuffed in his pants. Shouldn't he have a footlong hot dog instead? Maybe a Ballpark Frank? Because they plump when you cook them.


Anyway, while at the On Tap Cafe, Cap goes into his burrito shtick and some woman chooses not to play along (probably because she's smart). Cap allegedly whipped out his burrito (I don't think that's a euphemism; it's really just the burrito) and began to grope the woman. Jailarity ensued.


Quote of the story: According to the police report, "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at one time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for possible identification."


After being taken into custody (and those abs are just part of the suit, ladies), Cap then allegedly tried to flush a joint down the toilet. Guess a burrito wasn't all he had stuffed down his pants.


Like every great victim of injustice, the good doctor/crimefighter has subsequently checked himself into rehab. No word on whether it's the Britney Spears 2 Step Program.


Step 1 - Begin rehab while Publicist issues press release.


Step 2 - Leave the next day.