Rudy Redux

You know Davis, and Justin and Faldo and Freddy
Jesper and Beemer and Philly and Vijay
But do you recall,
The most horny golfer of all?

Tiger the blue-balled golfer
Always wanted to chase tail
And if he ever met them
He would leave a bad voice mail

All of the other golfers
Used to laugh and call him names (like Youdaman)
They never let poor Tiger
Join in any skins golf games

Then one soggy Major Eve
Finchem came to say
"Tiger with your balls so blue
Won't our purses grow with you."

Then all the skanks they loved him
When they met at a hotel
Tiger the blue-balled golfer
You are going straight to hell.

Everything's Better When Wet

I've not watched a jot of the Olympics. It's because I'm protesting the Chinese treatment of Tibetan refugees.

And because I hate all the sports.

Except for basketball which is seemingly only played at 4 a.m. And the fencing which would be even better if they didn't have all those sissy pads. Come on, let's see some bloodshed for crying out loud.

Anyhoo, I know there was a bunch of hubub, bub. Michael Phelps won everything. I still liked this story better when it was Mark Spitz.

But do the men know they're wearing women's suits?

I saw some highlights on ESPN and wondered if they were showing us swimming footage from the 1920 Olympics just to see if anyone was paying attention. They had everything but bathing caps on.

What is all the furor over the swim suits? It seems like if you really wanted to be fast in the water, you'd just go nakey. Wouldn't that cut down on drag the most? It couldn't hurt the ratings either. I'm buying Sony stock because I figure a lot of tv's are going to need replacing from all the women folk who've been licking the screen over the last two weeks.

And we'd win more medals because the Chinese men's team would be too ashamed to get in the pool