Hickory Dickory Trickery

This has to be the headline of the week:

Woman 'tricked into sex' by penis cream treatment

In Haverfordwest, a Syrian pilot convinced a schoolteacher to have sex with him over a 9 month period ostensibly for the purposes of applying a medicinal ointment.

Now I don't want to point fingers here (or anything else for that matter), but in my personal experience, it's difficult to trick a woman into having sex. Oh, sure, you can pretend to listen and have feelings, but you can't actually use Jedi Mind Tricks on her just to get the old beast with two backs. But when you're just cuddling together and spooning and you accidentally hit her in the back, you both know the jig is up (so to speak). Whenever someone says they got pregnant "accidentally," I always ask if they were walking down the street and fell into some sperm.

If I had progeny, I'd be a little worried about the quality of education in Haverfordwest. I hope she doesn't teach Health. "It began to dawn on her that he had devised this treatment in order to have sex with her on his terms." And that breaking of dawn took 9 months.

The accused pilot, Fadi Sbano, is also charged with "obtaining money by deception." So not only was our schoolteacher allowing Fadi to have sex with her, but she was also paying him for the medicine. And if that's really how topical ointments were applied, everyone would go into the medical field. Because if you're using a clock to time yourself and it's between one and ten minutes, you're obviously a little too "anxious for a cream to be applied." Try thinking about baseball.

I don't know where Fadi is right now, but he should definintely give up flying and go into Sales.